My voice.

 

 What is the sound of your own voice?

My voice is loving and holding the words that I want to speak. 

The words I want to share. 

The words that will bring comfort and encouragement to those I love. 

It tells you that you are enough.

It criticizes when it means to heal.

It hugs and it helps.   

My voice is more than what I say. 

It is the ups. The downs.

The control. The powerlessness.

My voice is the truth even when it is unpopular. 

My voice is the one my child will remember. The voice that loved him, disciplined him, sang to him, read The Velveteen Rabbit countless time. 

My voice  is familiar to my family, to my friends. 

My voice is a window into my soul.

I cannot fake happy with my voice. I cannot fake anger. I cannot lie aloud. I cannot be who I'm not.

My voice sounds brave and sure.

As well as hazy and hesitant.

It reaches for ears to hear.

It retreats into my chest. 

My voice is who I am. 

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.'" - Mary Anne Radmacher

"My voice is born repeatedly in the fields of uncertainty." - Terry Tempest Williams

 

energy to be.

We are all lightning rods, conduits for that which the Universe wants born into this world. What energies did you channel this year?

This year has been a year of stretching, growing, reaching as well as well as reflection, feeding and turning inwards. In actuality these things are not mutually exclusive. I needed (and continue to need) the turning inward to grow, the reflection to stretch myself. I have reached within myself for the energy and power to make myself the person I want to become. 

I have read books, taken online workshops, gone to classes in my community, joined a writing group - all things that encourage me and support me in this thing called life. I have always been a dabbler in "self-help" books, learning new things, writing when it struck me; however I was always mom and wife and friend and daughter and sister and....you get it...first. 

This year though felt different to me. With a grown son, grown as in graduated from high school but still living at home (and I will keep him for as long as he'll stay.........that's another story), I felt I could go out and pursue different things. My husband and my boy are self-sufficient, I no longer felt the tether of needing to be around ALL. THE. TIME. Of course I'm still mom, still wife, still me, but it's just a different, a new feeling. 

So, this year I channeled my feminine energy in an online program; my writing in several community classes and in a new writing group; adventure in day trips alone. I explored, researched, discovered how I wanted to feel each and every day. I organized, with my amazing friend, our first women's retreat. This year I stepped into myself. Most importantly I gave myself permission to grow and change. 

As I read this post I realize that it is fairly vague. Each thought could be expanded upon to fill up pages and pages, however I'm choosing not to expand right now. Getting the basics down feels right at this time. I am noting subjects to expand upon, places I want to revisit in my writing, in my mind, in my life. There is a never ending source of material to report.

"The strongest of all warriors are these two - Time and Patience." - Leo Tolstoy

"You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; these is no other life but this." - Henry David Thoreau

Lovely List.

It’s all too easy to put off loving where we are until everything is perfect. What can you love about where you are now?

I love this prompt. One of my favorite things is my Lovely List(s). I have kept multiple gratitude journals, lists of awesome things, etc...Most recently I have started calling them Lovely Lists. I have a list of 139 things right now (with a few duplicates - evidently loving the smell of rain after a dry spell and writing lists are worthy of being written twice). 

I decided to switch from a gratitude list to a Lovely List for several reasons. 
a) in my heart and head gratitude and lovely can be the same, yet completely different. I needed a word that made sense to me.
b) sometimes what I find lovely isn't necessarily something I'm grateful for...for example the freezing weather. I am not grateful it was 19 degrees outside the other morning when I went to work, however I found the sunshine on the frost brilliant (LOVELY) and the coffee in my hands felt even more divine (LOVELY) than it usually does.

So, today I add to the list...

What can I love about where I am right now? 
My Lovely List for today..... 
*the warm glow of Christmas (I will be keeping more twinkle lights up all year)
*the glorious sunshine even when it is below freezing outside.
*fleece lined stretch pants. 
*cat cuddles.
*fluffy blankets.
*quiet mornings sipping coffee in the sparkle of twinkle lights. 
*waking up without being tired. 
*having my own room for relaxing and creating. 
*egg nog (pure and simple...and also thankful that it isn't available to me all year!)
*random texts from friends just to say hello and to check in. it's lovely to be loved.
* love.
* my boy and his heart. always. 

"We can only love the world we wake up to." - Karen Maezen Miller

 

Release.

Release: What unfinished projects from 2014 am you willing to release now? 
(Regret not required.)

Oh sweet release.
I am a project starter, an idea girl. Follow-through? Not my strong suit. Unless it's a project that I'm dedicated to, one that lives deep in my heart. I like the process, usually more than the end result, and will slowly (oh so slowly), work. Of course I do finish (some) things but I also, easily, give myself permission to let things go that don't tug at my heartstrings.

Over the past month or so I've been wound up tight, knowing that I have to exhale, release...something. Sweet release and surrender needs to happen in the people department. Projects? I can let those go, let those slide. People? No, never.

So, I decided to release....
*other people's happiness
*responsibility that is not my own
*worry, to the best of my ability
*fear that people are making a mistake
*anxiety over judgement
.........all of these things equal control and releasing control is the hardest thing for me to do. Ever. It is my goal. A goal that I will be working on forever. A goal that I will need to be reminded of often. A goal that I hope, with time and practice, will help me exhale.

You leave old habits behind by starting out with the thought, 'I release the need for this in my life'.

Wayne Dyer

Certainty...

 
Today, I invite you to take a quiet moment to consider: 
what can you say right now with certainty?

I grew up in a life, in a world, of uncertainty, so to answer the question of what I can say with certainty makes me laugh mostly since I never really considered it before. It seems, that at forty, I would have left my childhood behind me, at least enough to not have my brain immediately rush back to it when given a writing prompt...

So, what can I say, right now, with certainty?

Belief in magic and all possibilities

Wide open heart

Arms flung

Embracing

Encouraging

Encompassing

Loving

Dreaming the dreams

Living the life

Holding tight

Song in my heart

Smile on my lips

Absolute love

With certainty I am those words, I believe those words. 

For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.

Vincent Van Gogh

What I use to do...

I look at my blogs and I think about what I use to do. This blog itself hasn't really come to fruition within who I am. As in, I had a few blogs before and I was dedicated and they were dedicated. The personal one documented life on almost a daily basis; the book blog was amazing and it felt like either make it soar or let it go; and the photo blog ran its course and finished on an amazing note.

I miss writing. Just putting words out there and seeing what I come up with. So, I'm trying to figure out how to make this SHINE just like the address says.

As I read the last post I focused in on change. Maybe I needed a little time to change offline; this seems so as I have been offline much more in the past year than before. I was a facebook fiend once upon a time...it seems that when the fb got popular I took a back seat. Kinda an aha moment as that is what I do a lot in my life...

So, here's to what's next. Change and possibility.

...and some change

I was just looking at my calendar and there is just two weeks and some change until this little guy hits that big milestone.

Graduation.

Some mamas are feeling a bit sad and I suppose I can say the same, however mostly I'm excited. So excited. When the boy was in elementary school one kind teacher, who saw me struggling each day to leave this guy, kindly said to me, "We raise them to be awesome people and we raise them to leave us." I have carried these words around with me ever since. (By the way, I've done what she said...He is an awesome person. One of the most awesome people I know!)

I suppose I am lucky. My boy isn't "leaving" me. He'll be staying home, for awhile at least, attending the local community college and remaining a fixture in our home. So, yeah, it's easier than knowing he'd leave.

I am so excited though. For the next part of the journey. New chapters yet to be written. Not just for Archer but for all of us. So, when I was thinking "two weeks and some change," I really meant some change. I feel like maybe I should decide what I want to be when I grow up! Loving it! LET'S GO!