10 (more) things.

I've been reading (as in I've read and am rereading) Susannah Conway's book This I Know: Notes on Unraveling the Heart. I don't have words for how much I love it so I won't even try. I just think everyone should read it...and so I recommended it to several people and one friend in particular who I KNEW needed it. As she was reading through it she'd text me and we'd meet and we had some of the best conversations. Last time we met she asked me about my 10 things (an exercise Susannah included at the end of one of the chapters).

So, I tried to come up with things I haven't already listed here.

Here you go Teresa. This list is for you. And me. And whoever.

 1. I'm a hugger. It's true. I love to hug. Sometimes.
 2. I love solitude.
 3. Until I need my people, then I NEED my people.
 4. My idea of heaven is big water and big trees.
 5. Music is necessary. Absolute must have.
 6. Quiet is golden. It's important to have both and know when each is needed. I suppose that kinda goes along with number 2, so I should add a number 11.
 7. I over use commas (a lot, lot, lot) and exclamation points (I'm so not sorry about this!) and ellipsis(ses...)...oh and (parentheses). I guess I just overuse punctuation. It's ok.
 8. I don't like clocks. Some people think this is weird. But. Whatever.
 9. I like to underline my books. Which is is why I need to buy non-fiction.
10. I swear. A lot. My child reprimands me and I try to keep it appropriate (like in public and such) but I do swear and I don't apologize for it.
11. I have a fourth sibling. On my other list I said I love all three of my siblings. But now I have four and I love him too...I love all FOUR of my siblings. And I think that is the perfect way to end this list!

"I am one of the searchers.

There are, I believe, millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach; we are drawn by the ocean, taken by its power, its unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty. We like forests and mountains, deserts and hidden rivers, and the lonely cities as well. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as is our laughter. To share our sadness with one we love is perhaps as great a joy as we can know – unless it be to share our laughter.

We searchers are ambitious only for life itself, for everything beautiful it can provide. Most of all we love and want to be loved. We want to live in a relationship that will not impede our wandering, nor prevent our search, nor lock us in prison walls; that will take us for what little we have to give. We do not want to prove ourselves to another or compete for love.

For wanderers, dreamers, and lovers, for lonely men and women who dare to ask of life everything good and beautiful. It is for those who are too gentle to live among wolves."
James Kavanaugh

I love life in the Puget Sound.

 

there really isn't a way of getting around the "new year looking forward, looking back" thing that seems to inhabit individuals at this time of year. 

of course I get caught up in it too.

it's not a huge farewell and a glorious hello.

more like a gentle turning of a page.

I've spent the last week in quiet reflection and will probably spend the next week about the same. 

writing. planning. reviewing. dreaming. 

2012 was good. of course I am generally a glass-half-full kind of girl. there were some hard times but in general I can say I'm glad 2012 happened.

and...I'm looking forward to 2013.

 with the help of 

Susannah Conway, I've begun Unravelling the Year Ahead

and Carolyn Rubenstein, I've thrown a little Reverb Remix 2012 in...

it's felt pretty good to be a little more focused on the reflection of the past, the living in the right now, and the looking forward to what may come. 

welcome 2013

Main Type	Overall Self

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Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||| 62% Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||||| 70% Type 3 Image Focus |||||| 26% Type 4 Hypersensitivity |||||||||||| 46% Type 5 Detachment |||||| 22% Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||||||| 62% Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||| 38% Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||| 38% Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||| 50% Your main type is 2 Your variant is social

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Today I Ran

Today I ran. And it wasn't horrible. Anyone who knows me knows that this is big BIG BIG! Usually I run and complain quietly for the rest of the day, possibly for the rest of the week. But today? Today I ran and now I feel good, not complaining.

When I was in high school I had a good friend who was a runner. She did cross country, track, but mostly she just ran. She loved it. I remember her climbing out of bed on weekends and in the summer and slipping on her shoes and running while I'd still be cozy in bed. One morning she came home and I said, "I wish I was a runner." I don't remember her response at the time but I do remember the next morning. The next morning we were in bed at her house and she got up to run. She pulled her hair back in a ponytail and got her shoes on. I laid in bed. She came back a few minutes later with a pair of running shoes and told me we were going running. Ummmmm....I don't think she realized that I was not a runner.

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We started off together. We ran along the country road she lived on. We ran and ran (as 17 year olds can do) and then I got tired. I told her to keep going and I'd walk back. So, that is what we did. She kept going and I walked through a raspberry field on my way back to her house. When she got home she simply said, "Ok so you ran. You're a runner today." She was pretty deep for 17, yes? That summer I continued to run with her off and on. I wasn't consistent which was pretty par for the course for me.

Needless to say I didn't continue running. Do I wish I had? Oh yes. Oh it would have been so much easier to start and continue at 17...BUT I didn't.

I didn't really think much about running in my 20s. I was a young mom. I kept myself busy with my guys, volunteer work and maintaining normalcy (my sense of normalcy at least) in life.

Around 30 I decided that I wanted to be a runner again (see, I knew I had already been a runner once so it was totally an "again" situation). I went into running this time with a new mindset - training schedule, distance, time, routes - I quickly lost interest. My attention span can be very short and when I feel like I have to do something I get rebellious with myself...Me and myself have an interesting relationship.

Somewhere between 17 and 30 I forgot what being a runner was all about...For me being a runner is about putting on my shoes and running. How long did I run? I don't know. How far? No clue. Will I run tomorrow? Tomorrow will tell. But today, today I am a runner.